Masala Mix

'Rab ne bana di jodi' came off as little surprise for me. After all, what is there to expect from a Yash Raj movie other than Punjab, Pyar and Potatoes. I would say that Indians from the northern part of the country deserves this kind of trash and more of it. The fact that this all time dumb movie could attain blockbuster status speaks volumes about the mindset of both film makers and film goers from the said region. More films of this ilk are already following suit and among them is 'Dil bole hadippa'. Though it fared miserably in the box office, most paid-critics, media bosses and 'fans' were seen showing the thumps up.

So what kind of a film is 'Rab ne..'? Is it for the masses or the classes? My best guess is that it is for the asses; the ones with their brains and their backside in swapped positions. It is one of those movies where the stupidity of the audience is taken for granted. Let us forgive the audience since they have been groomed by the same film makers by making similar dumb movies for a period of one and a half decades. But, what were our celebrated reviewers like Rajeev Masand thinking while giving positive reviews for such junk?

According to those pseudo-intellectuals, two recent successful movies that can be labelled as masala are 'Ghajini' and 'Wanted'. Agreed that these two are not the examples of cinematic excellence. But, let us check out the possibilities as to why these two are labelled B-grade while a piece of trash like Rab ne escapes unhurt. Ghajini and Wanted featured superstar Khans, had several song and dance sequences, had romance and comedy. All of these being ingredients of any other Bollywood movie. So what separates these two movies from other Bollywood releases like the ones Yash Raj or Dharma Production churns out?

Both these movies are remakes from the South and had South Indian directors at the helm. Moreover both featured a few fight sequences which the Bollywood audience hadn't seen in a while. So, that could be the criteria followed by our celebrity reviewers in tagging a movie as masala. Now, at least to an extent it is the inclusion or exclusion of action among various genres of romance, comedy and drama that defines masala. Rab ne has all the routine songs and dances, vague attempts at humour, loads of tears and just about everything B-grade about it. Yet, it doesn't fall into the masala category and one reason could be that it doesn't have any genuine fight sequences. It means that certain film makers are able to produce total junk under the pretext of emotional melodrama and are capable of eliciting positive reviews using their clout in the media.

Rab ne - Highlights

• A husband wears moustache by the day and takes it off by evening to present his alter ego before his dumb wife.
  

One of the most illogical plots I have ever seen in movies.

• Disgusting sets. The lead pair's home, the hall where dance class is held, a garage where the pair holds practice sessions, a pal's hair dressing salon, all are sets that would make stage props of any 5th grade school play look classic in comparison.

• The scene where a crying Shah Rukh Khan says "this is a story not written by us, instead by him", while pointing his finger towards a picture of Spiritual Leader of the Sikhs.
  

Right dude, when the story sucks the best thing to do is to put the blame on someone else.

• Dialogues.

Anushka. "Har ladki yehi chahtha hai.....". Dear Chopras, we have had enough of har ladki stuff. Now, please move on.

Shah Rukh. "Hey.....Raj is here.....have no fear....". For how long have we been hearing these words?

Like I said, 'Wanted' is no classic, but it is a slick adrenaline pumping movie with a screenplay that moves at a much higher pace than any Chopra-Johar melodrama. Yet, some of our beloved reviewers said it had a wafer thin plot. If so then why do they use a different yardstick while writing about movies like Kal Ho Naa Ho or Dostana (both from the Johar stable) with plots thinner than wafer? True, that in a Nation ridden with corruption, it is no big deal to buy out an entire section of the media. But, the sooner Bollywood comes out of the clutches of Yash Raj-Dharma production houses and gets rid of this unholy nexus, the better it will be for the films it produces.