Black Cat

This is one of the worst things that could ever happen to you. Firstly, this is not even a bad movie, it's downright horrible. From the start till the end credits it's one hell of a viewing experience.

Suresh 'Thokku' Gopi portrays two different personalities of the same character separated by time and space. And no surprises, one of them is a dynamic cop. This prompts us to raise the fundamental question. Will we ever get to see a 'Thokku' movie where he doesn't don a cop's uniform along with the omnipresent gun.

'Thokku' tries hard to invoke laughter by engaging the other personality, a dark-skinned, long-haired retard, with an accented speech but succeeds only in irritating the viewer further. Incidentally, this dark complexion is one of the two results of a blow he suffered at the hands of the villains. The other one being a loss of memory!

Meena plays a doc who has post graduation from an American university but prefers black magic along with her ayurvedic-medico mentor. Well, while treating the reatarded 'Thokku' they unwittingly unleash a Pandora's Box and forces us through this excruitiatingly painful watch.

* Watch out for the court-room sequences. You may not get to see more ridiculous judicial stuff anywhere. I got up from my seat and banged my head (literally) on the wall while watching one of those scenes.

Rating: Five Rotten Eggs

Verdict: Definitely on top of the list of all time bad movies in Malayalam.

Bada Dosth

Bad Friend

Starring : Suresh 'Thokku' Gopi, Siddique, Manoj K Jayan, Jyothirmayi

A friendly neighbourhood don worshipped by the needy and the downtrodden in a society. This good samaritan has political, judicial clout and is known by the name 'Bada Dosth'. Cracker-jacker of a name for a don belonging to Kerala, you may think. But we will have to settle for that. And surprise, this guy was a hot shot cop in his previous incarnation.

Suresh Gopi dons the khakhi and keeps his gun busy for the umpteenth time. The scene where he is introduced as 'Bada Dosth' is outright comic and the chants that follow in the background are worth a mention. Watch out for the scene where he ducks under a bullet with impeccable precision.

Abraham and Lincoln

Starring: Rahman, Kalabhavan Mani, Shwetha Menon. Director: Pramod Pappan.

This first of its kind biker movie in Malayalam came with the statutory warning that kids should not imitate its featured stunts. If only the stunts were somewhere near dangerous to what the average kids atop bikes do on our roads! But then, the kids are not as half-stupid as the makers of this 'action extravaganza'.

Well, the plot is simple yet complicated. The two revenge-filled protagonists, Abraham Dominic (Mani) and Lincoln George a.k.a Liju (Rahman) are friends-turned-foes-turned-friends! The two representatives of the gold mafia, Shankar Das and Rowther are no different. They form alliances and then turn traitors at the blink of an eye. This would have been less irritating if this process of switching sides was limited to a lesser number. But the script ensures enough confusion that you wish you were watching 'Wild Things 2' instead. The scene to look out for is the one where our hero duo hide inside a hoarding fixed on a bridge.

Were they shooting with a different kind of lens or has it something to do with the VFX? We never know. But the end result is so bad that it looks as if it was shot with a handy cam. The frames are overloaded with a sinistral mix of horrifying colours thereby justifying the makers' second statutory warning that the movie is not for the faint-hearted.

The director interjects fast forwarded wide angle shots of heavy traffic between sequences, presumably, to up the ante. This is a unique way of film-making, I should say. Buy its DVD. This is one collector's item you would be ashamed not to possess.

Rating : 3 rotten eggs

Ghost Voyage

This is one Hollywood B voyage you wouldn't want to miss. From bad acting to bad lighting to bad CGI, this supposedly horror movie makes one hell of a hilarious roller coaster ride. Watch it, relish it.
The image given is apparently from the scene I loved the most. An arm made out of puffed out smoke goes on to choke the smoker himself. It can't get worse than this.

Boys and Girls

Even a verbose might grope in the dark with absolute deficiency of words to describe this pathetically crafted show piece of work. It's so terrible that I was forced to change my perception about Silanthi, once hailed by myself as a classic in the genre of bad movies. For one, Silanthi did have something called continuity. 'Boys and Girls' beats it at that and so many other categories.

Set in the backdrop of a school in Germany(we are told it's Britain, but cant help but notice the signboards), where blonds, coloreds and Sikhs speak Tamil, a boy falls in love with his teacher and his dad does the same with his secretary. What's wrong here? It is the same woman both are in love with. Any hope of it ending there escapes as all the girls in the boy's class are in love with him. The effort to differentiate between fantasies and reality is next to impossible. I kept wondering if this was an ode to Gabriel Garcia Marquez and his penchant for magical realism! Songs and dances pop in and out without much relevance in full blooded bad movie style. The twist in the climax (ha ha ha) is even more horrendous and the final shot is extremely ridiculous. Don't give it a miss. Watch it. Hate it. Love it.

Outlander

Well, if you haven't had enough of alien movies, creature movies and epic movies, here's one where all these are rolled into one. This is not one of those movies which makes you scratch your arms or face every other minute, but it's worth a watch for its moderate badness.

Bad Songs

While the fate of most bad movies at the box office is in coherence with their content, it is not so in the case of bad songs. This may be attributed to the fact that it is the tune of a song that catches the imagination of a listener instantly. Therefore a peppy track bogeyed down by unimaginative lyrics might have the fortune of a good run among the public. Hence, picking the worst songs of a year is as not as easy as picking bad movies because some people may actually like these songs and wouldn't mind humming them on and off.

Still, our ears find it difficult to recuperate from the pain afflicted by certain songs. The Malayalam movie industry threw quite a few ones conjured up with bizarre lyrics and unruly tunes upon us in the recent past. Here is the top 3 worst songs from Malayalam which gave me the creeps of late.

"അസല്‍ ആയി അസല്‍ ആയി നീ റോസാപൂവഴകെ
ഗസല്‍ ആയി ഗസല്‍ ആയി നീ മൂളുന്നോ അരികെ
life is a lonely lollipop
love life in love you single joy"

Well, this one has become an anthem of sorts among the fans of bad movies in Kerala these days. Despite the rhyme, the obviously unrelated words 'assal' and 'ghazal' only adds to the agony of this scream of a song. The lines in English is bound to leave us reminiscing a lot about the days we spent in grammar school. Arguably, the worst song of recent times.

ho barish ho

This song from the movie Red Chillies features a Grammy-aspirant girl band doubling up as a team of RJs in a radio network. Thankfully, people from the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences never came across this song. Else, they would have had no qualms in awarding them with the iconic miniature gramophone for this number, for a different category though.

sha patha patha patha

It doesn't matter if the lines of a song starts with one language and then crosses over to several others while expressing an inner feeling if the progression itself is linear and natural. But this potpourri of a song has incongruous words from different languages sticking out with alarming ridicule.

Contest

Songs are an integral part of Indian movies. Though it does not necessarily imply that bad movies should feature bad songs, it holds true at least for some. I have posted a few lines of a song from a Malayalam film titled 'Novel'. This song was hand-picked by a hardcore fan of bad movies for my scrutiny. Here I leave it to you guys to find out soon that there is nothing novel about it. Still, if anybody comes up with an explanation on what the lyricist meant when he wrote this, he will be awarded with a collection of bad movies in six different languages!

എന്‍ ഇണക്കിളിയുടെ നൊമ്പര ഗാനം
കേട്ടിന്നലെ ഉറങ്ങാതെ ഞാനിരുന്നു
അകലുമാ കാലൊച്ച അകതാരില്‍ നിറയുന്ന
മൂക ദുഃഖങ്ങള്‍ ആണെന്നറിഞ്ഞു

ശാരദ നിലാവില്‍ നീ ചന്ദന സുഗന്ധമായി
ചാരത്തു അണഞ്ഞതു ഓര്‍ക്കാതിരുന്നെങ്കില്‍
ചൈത്ര രജനി കണ്ടു സുന്ദര സ്വപ്നം പോലെ
ചാരുമുഖി ഞാനുറങ്ങി ഉണര്‍ന്നേനെ

Dinosaur Island

With dinosaurs made of rubber and blonde cave women equipped with silicon implants, this stunner of a bad movie will make you cringe. My favorite scene is where a young soldier asks out a cave woman for a date so that, according to him, they can get to know each other well. She then asks him quite innocuously, "so that you can learn my turn-ons and turn offs"? And as an answer to his query on how she learned those words, she proceeds to show him a copy of a magazine on the lines of Playboy. Me being a full blooded bad movie fan was able to take it in my stride. I wish you all the very best if you are attempting to see this one, a classic I daresay.

Slow Track

Assal Aaayi........

Friends,

I had the absolute delight of watching a sick Malayalam flick titled 'Speed Track' on my way back to Kerala from Bangalore.

The sight of an evidently obese Dilip donning the role of an athlete competing in multiple categories including high jump kept me entertained all through the movie. The rest of the cast mainly involves ludicrous characters in a college which is supposed to be crazy about games and athletics. The stand-out character among these is of course the outright manipulative villain who makes us wonder if he came in straight out of an Ekta Kapoor serial and swapped genders.

The less said about the heroine and her antics, the better. But the songs deserve a special mention, especially the one at the begining where our leading pair enters in a mock fight by calling each other names. The song begins with the rambling "ko ko ko kozhi....". Tune your ears to it to feel the pain.

Annual Golden Bananas

Check out the link given below. It's the season of awards and bad movies are not too behind!


http://rajasen.wordpress.com/2009/03/17/golden-bananas/

Bad News

Prepare yourself to get tortured. Go to the below link and read the full story.

http://in.news.yahoo.com/43/20090412/914/ten-i-do-see-myself-directing-a-film-bip.html

The Gun 'n' the Rose..err...Rope.

These are a few candid pics taken while our shooting (was it shitting?) star Suresh 'Gun' Gopi met Miss World runner up Parvati Omanakkuttan. Hats off to our 'Thokku' for these hitherto unseen expressions and to Ms.Omanakkuttan's loud make-up, which she lost ultimately. LOL.

Sagar alias Jacky - Complete Screenplay

Maybe all you guys have seen both the movie and this screenplay by now. But I just couldn't resist posting it.

With Love from Kerala

What is stardom? Tune yourself to any malayalam channel and you can watch the derogatory acting of the Superstars. Invariably there are only 2 in malayalam since the reigning stars have created a monopoly of sorts.

Well let me say this upfront, these 2 are THE best or amongst the best in the South Indian Film industry, but both have been stereo typed to an extent from where there is no escape.

         I used to be an ardent lalettan fan. Man, he is such a talented one yaar. I grew up watching his movies. That was a golden era in malayalam cinema with no dearth of good directors backed by good scripts and acting beyond compare.

        It has all boiled down to the superstars being content with taking up roles synonymous with OMNIPOTENCE. I am really fed up of those stuff. It questions your intelligence as well as your loyalty to the superstars.

     There are lots of new talent coming up in other south indian languages. I seriously dont know y there is a shortage in the mallu film industry. Must be something to do with internal lobbying between the superstars. I request all who read this to refrain from watching commercial cinema done by these actors as it is bound to be a waste of money and energy.

GOD SAVE MALAYALAM CINEMA

A ardent fan of malayalam good movies

Bad Stars

It is not unusual to see actors rise above the very own movies they act in. A few lucky ones are able to do that repeatedly over a period of time. Eventually they end up as a kind of mutants that we have famously and affectionately christened 'stars'. Bad movies are no different in catapulting several individuals to stardom, though the league is slightly different from the mainstream. One can't be sure if those people are happy about such categorization. But in an era where any publicity is regarded as good publicity, I think being labeled as 'bad stars' is not too bad for them. Here is a collection of a few prominent bad stars from South India. Enjoy!


T.Rajender, undoubtedly the showman of bad movies, makes sure that no department in film making goes untouched by himself whenever he makes one. He is not known to feel contented with just being the scriptwriter, lyricist, composer and the director of a movie. He goes that extra mile to burden us with the task of watching him onscreen as the hero too. Doesn't he look cute in that red sleeve-less out fit? Watch the movie 'Veersamy' if you haven't had enough!




Vijayakanth a.k.a Captain, notorious for unimaginable stunts in several movies is an iconic figure of sorts. How can one forget the famous bullet scene and the electric shock scene. Ditto his sky-high eyebrows, blood filled eyes and perpetually waving hair.
Body painting will cease to be an art with this pic I selected, I suppose.




A video clip says a million words. So much so that words are yet to be coined to describe Balakrishna, popularly known as Balayya. Those famous video clips of his speaks volumes about him. Probably there is no one on this planet to beat him at stupid stunts. From stopping trains with a jab of forefinger to shooting down planes, he has done it all. Watch a few snippets from his movies to believe!




Ravi Teja is known not only for his funny facial contortions not at all befitting a hero, but also for weird body language. One of the movies I saw featured him going to school wearing shorts. Need I say anymore?




Sarath Kumar. The only person who has played the dual role of father and son n+1 number of times. Here he strikes a pose in classical(?) dance.



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