Turtles Can Fly

We have seen movies far worse than 'Turtles can fly' and we too can make absolutely pathetic B movies. But then, most of those we have seen never pretended to be classics. That makes this movie special.

Now, as amateur film makers let us shoot a mediocre movie which can be heralded later as a classic. Here are a few tips on how to make an internationally (read America and its allies) acclaimed movie.

1. Set it in the pre-war Kurdish area of Iraq. This will give ample scope for portraying the anger of dissidents against the then ruler Saddam Hussein. Also, we get to show television footages of Desert Storm -II and the demolition of Saddam's statues.

Never mind if George Bush I and II combined has killed several multiples of people than Saddam ever did. That is not the point here. We have to show the plight of Kurds and that is it.

2. Come up with lines (however subtle they may be) now and then which praises the goodwill of America and its people. After all, Americans are the only ones who can 'rescue' people from 'evil'. Plus we will have several scenes where people rejoice at the very mention of American Soldiers.

3. Characterisation, especially that of men should be done in such a way that there should be no presence of young or middle aged men. That leaves us with the kids and the older lot, which will in turn give us the scope to show kids taking charge of everything. Remember, the more we present any serious issue through the eyes of children, the better we have a chance at Film Festivals.

But, there is every possibility that one would end up wishing if there was some adult who could give a slap or two to the ridiculously noisy lead character, a teenager nicknamed 'Satellite' and show him his place. Enough for wishful thinking, as it never happens.

The only consolation is that an armless boy head-butts this imp on his shoulder. Satellite then gets up with his nose bleeding, with the colour of blood being Yellow! Quite hilarious.

4. Now, using the ingredients 1,2 and 3, drag the plot as long as you can. This should ensure that you have an end product long enough for a feature film.

5. Finally, make yourself (and more importantly others) believe that your film is simply great.

There you are. Ready with your movie which is so akin to 'Turtles Can Fly'. By the way, when do they start inviting entries for Cannes?